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Bear with me.

Rant of an overthinker

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Do I call myself a naïve girl? But I am on my twenties. But I am still not used to these adult life. I hate responsibility, waking up early and working, even studying. They say I don't even act like a grown up... But I don't want to. Can't I just make silly faces and jump instead of walk? Because we literally are floating in a rock in the middle of the universe that's too vast. // Do I use more fairness cream? I have dark skin. But I love these honey colour that covers my body... But they tell me that if I was a lil fair I would be beautiful. ... But I feel beautiful with my own skin, should I use lighter shade of foundation?? // They want me to get married within next 3 years, or else all the good match will be gone. But I don't want to. It's too much of responsibility I'll ever be ready to handle. They give me example of that lady who lives alone on the corner of street, how she have noone now that her hairs are turning grey... But I don't care!! // Sh...

Not like other girls.

Notlikeothergirls  But ain't I? Why do I even think I am not like other girls? What's wrong in being that other girl? I was arrogant enough in past to think I could be above others, just because I am 'Not like them'. Not very long ago I got to know that every other girl is just trying to survive just like I am. They too have their own stories to tell, wounds to heal, broken heart to tend and scars to decorate. She may like something that I don't prefer or my sense of humour may not be for her but we all arr unique being. Just because we aren't same doesn't give me right to belittle anyone. Now I feel kinship with every other girl. I try to walk in her shoes and don't always jump in any conclusions. Because just like me, she too fear that lonely alley. Just like me, her body too have been touched by wrong hands. Just like me, her voice too was lost within this patriarchy. Just like me, she too is trying to rise dispite everything. Now when I look at mirro...

My kind of Love

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I have grown up with the understanding that one day I'll find my prince charming. He'll come along in a white horse, Sweep me off my feet and we'll ride towards sunset; And I'll live in a castle made of clouds, With ponies flying around. Now I find it cute delusion of a naïve child. A wistful wish, which I never intended to fulfill. Now as I am grown to be a woman of my own mind, I find love everywhere. The books I read makes my heart flutter, my favourite coffee always hits the spot. A long silent walk is all I need. Now I daydream about being anything but a human. And now when I think about love, I find it within the darkness of night and rays of moon, silence of deep forest and waves of sea. Now when I look at my own eyes I see love, and I understand that the love I have been searching when I was a kid was within me all along.

Reminiscing

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The years I have lived may not be that many but it's enough. I may not have experienced full extent of life but I have few scars beneath my sleeves. There was little girl that existed in place of me. She was someone who existed with mind full of innocence and nativity. She existed before everything happened. When life started to move on, the changes was visible. I am no longer her. I was somebody before, and I will be someone again. I just want to remember who I was before all of this began. Maybe that’s why my mind insists on remembering. Part of myself is hoping to find something in the past. Some remnant of the girl I used to be, a glimpse of the woman I’d hoped to become. The girl in my past, she had never thought I'll be the person I am today. Her ideal future was something else, I can't remember it all. Just bits and pieces. I can't seem to remember her anymore. It seems to be a lifetime ago. Maybe it was, who knows. And the woman I am today will never know who I...

Comparison.

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  I have a bad habit of comparing myself with others And can't help but find flaws all over. I have filled so many check boxes with things that I am bad at, things I am unable of doing, things that somehow everyone except me can do.  I spend so much excessive energy trying to indulge myself with negativity. Sometimes I forget to take a deep breathe. I have been looking at all the flaws and imperfections that I have forgotten to cut myself some slack. I forgot that I am just a human. And envy can make one's heart black. On the time of epiphany, I try to sort out all the mess and organise them alphabetically. And at time like this, I enjoy being a mundane. A mundane person who knows that even with thousands of flaws, and envy, anger, selfishness trying to turn my heart black, I still have some light within me. A mundane person who tilts head towards sky, to look at the sunset coating the sky with it's paint, stars and moon and clouds decorating it. A mundane person who is in ...

Re-Do

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  If given chance to re do everything differently, then I'll take that chance. I don't know if I'll be the same person at the end but I'll definitely will try to be better, do better. I'll read more books. I'll listen to more music. I'll paint, dance, sing, play guitar. I'll do  my best.  Do you ever think who you would be, or how will you turn out if you get another chance in life. I do, and it hurts so much to think that I don't seem to like the person standing infront of me on the mirror right now. But the past me, the little girl seems to be so proud of this person, she seems to adore the person I turned out to be. So sometimes I wonder and sometimes O feel content. I have been through some ups and down but in that process I have changed and this change is for better. I just need to feel that who I am today, is sufficient but who I'll be tomorrow will be magnificent. Maybe there is no chance for Re-Do, but there is definitely chance to be who...